Shishur Sevay

So, here is the dilemma I struggle with…. the use of names (easily changed as I’ve done so far) and pictures — which I haven’t used so far.  I still don’t have a clear answer for myself after months and months.  The tensions I feel are between privacy for the children, v. the danger of invisibility.  The same questions come up over the website, which is currently stalled as "Under Construction."

I am generally opposed to the use of any children’s pictures online.  So, I use the measure of, "would I put pictures of my two daughters online?"  The answer is no.  In fact, I leave their names out too.  It is for them to identify with what I write, if they so choose.  So why would I use a different standard for my children here?   

Well, I know my readers are interested.  But in a way, so what?  Before photography we wrote stories with no pictures, stories about people that moved us, to feel their presence, to feel we knew them.  As I will write more about the children — coming out of a period of self-absorption regarding the legal problems — I must write in ways that serve to connect them with the reader.

ON THE OTHER HAND — when I am feeling frightened about the government trying to close us, and trying to put the children back into a prison-like institution, then I think, "These children don’t have the privilege of privacy, because their lives and futures depend on people identifying with them and caring about them."  A picture is a wonderful way of making that connection, of making the children real.  My mind is constantly busy.

Orphans are invisible — but then again, I am giving them voice — a non-illustrated voice.

What about the web page?  Why do I want a website?  We need a website for a certain level of credibility (in perception) and so we can be found easily.  We want a website because we are learning so much about care of the children and especially educating them.  We are proud of what we are doing.  We need a website for gathering support from others interested in the welfare of orphans.  Money is not a critical issue.  I’ve written over and over, "I am an anxious mother."  As such, I could not have started with without enough money to raise these children.  I hadn’t counted on the children with handicaps, but we will manage, and I know many people want to help.  This is why we are small.  At some point, if we want to expand, we will need funds.  But my fantasy anyway is that we will have a wonderful and effective model of care, and others will follow. 

The question I ask myself over and over, to counter my impulse to show off how beautiful they are, is, "How will putting up their pictures benefit the children?"   I don’t have an affirmative to that right now.  For the present, I think we are safe.  Right now the children have everything they need.  They are secure, healthy, being educated intensively, and in a quiet way, just being kids. 

Then again…..  and I go round and round.