A Beautiful Visit From The CWC

A comment posted to my last post, https://shishursevay.com/2013/07/14/cwc-child-welfare-committee-finally-coming-for-inspection/, wrote:

I am a little confused. One minute the CWC folks are confrontational; they want to take you to task for some kind of an infraction, teach you a lesson. The next minute, they want you to help them do their work for which they are paid by the tax-payers. I’ll eagerly wait for the next segment of the story, as will others, I’m sure.

Yes, that’s right.  No, it makes no sense.  That’s just how it is.

From the beginning, I have wanted to work with the government, particularly regarding the institutionalized children. I don’t know why the CWC’s attitude changed.  I do know that currently they are desperate and overwhelmed, and they have always been angry that I wouldn’t take more.

The visit was beautiful.  We did the formal things that are expected.  The girls presented flowers to each guest.  Each did Pranam, the touching of an elder’s feet.   One of the girls presented her embroidery work, framed, and another presented her artwork, also framed and inscribed to the CWC.

Our girl presents her artwork to the Chairwoman

They toured the house and I insisted they see inside of the bathroom.

Bathroom on the Tour

They noticed the fire extinguishers and said they’d not seen them before in a home.  Seema Gupta took them upstairs while the Chairwoman stayed down in my office to talk.  I had put my three published books out on the table and showed them to her.  I told her that clearly I had a lot of help here, but that I carried the full burden, that I have to think about what I can manage.

They had come with an agenda. The Chairwoman said they can offer all sorts of assistance to expand the building, or to build a new home.  But they also have an immediate problem, namely four very young children with disabilities who are in various hospitals in one of the districts that has no functioning  CWC.   The others came downstairs to rejoin us and talked more about the problems they are facing.   They talked of their pain in visiting the children in the institution.  There is a paralysis here… something I noticed years ago.  Some people really do care, but they don’t know what to do.

Table and Talking in the CWC meeting.

Tabla  and Talking in the CWC meeting.  One of the members plays and was thrilled that our girls are learning tabla.

I said I would help.  I said I would take the four children, but that I also then wanted two more without known disabilities.  We have to stay inclusive.  As we were talking, the girls on their own started to dance, and we went to watch them.

The girls on their own started to dance and so we all went to watch.

The Girls Decided to Dance

The CWC hoped Seema and I would come back to the office with them, and review the information on the four children.  I found that two of them are too sick to be cared for in a non-medical facility.  We agreed to take the other two, one an infant with Downs, and another with CP, about 2-3 years old.  Then I reminded them that we will take two little girls with no known disabilities, that we had to remain inclusive.  Right now there are many children in the institution.  Their care is horrible.  I can’t do as much as I want but it was just too painful to say no.  And I do believe we will be expanding.  We have to.

Sometime within the next week, the children will be brought to CWC for us to pick up.

Well, everyone here is excited.  We have many blessings.

CWC (Child Welfare Committee) Finally Coming For Inspection

Our last contact with CWC is described in the post “Foes Into Friends” https://shishursevay.com/2013/04/03/foes-into-friends/

Before that we were told we would be investigated for violation of child labor laws because of a complaint by an adolescent who had become too violent for us to manage.    On Friday, Seema Gupta, our Board Vice-President stopped in at CWC to find out the disposition of the girl who had made the complaint against us, as she was still officially on our roll.

Then the officials asked Seema, “Would Madam please take more children?” and Seema explained that we have no room or resources for more.  Then they asked, “Would Madam build a home for boys with disabilities?  We have the funds!  We would help her do it!”  Seema said they had to visit first because only then would they understand what Shishur Sevay is.  So they are coming tomorrow.  We will pick them up and bring them and then take them back.  Seema will take the day off from work.  The girls will stay home from school.  But it’s not about what’s wrong with us.  It’s about their wanting help.  They do remember when I brought the boys from Aunty’s Home and they had no place to put them.  They still don’t.

Would I do it?  I will if I can make it good, as it should be, and inclusive in some way, and with lots of recreation.  I think that’s one of the worst problems for children with limited mobility and other disabilities.  They don’t get to wear themselves out with fun, exercise, etc.  I want a pool, enough for them to experience weightlessness…..

I’m a dreamer.  I’m already planning it in my head, thinking about building plans and accessibility.  I already looked up construction costs for commercial buildings….  I would have two wings though, for boys and girls, but for the lower ages I’d keep them together.

I want to start with an advisory group of people with disabilities….

I’m so glad I put down the outside tiles.  I’ll have more pictures later on but instead of ramps looking separate, they just blend in, and look like rolling surfaces.  Before we chose the tile, we had Sudip try out several, with water over them, to see which ones gave his crutches the best grip.

The “client” should always be the end user.  Schools should be built to meet the needs of students, hospitals to meet the needs of patients, Shishur Sevay to meet needs as we discover them, and then find the best solutions.

Well, this may all be too much for the people coming from CWC, but I’m fired up and looking for ways and funds to make such a thing happen.  I like the idea of building what is needed, as defined by the community.  But just in case anyone is worried, Shishur Sevay and the life of the girls, of our family will also continue.  This is home, my home and theirs.

Outside feels part of the house now, a nice place to be, to play… safe from slipping.

Ready for School, with her bag and her sister's shoes.

Ready for School, with her bag and her sister’s shoes.

Well, you can see the tiles!  On the left, the black area is Jelly, the dog.  Actually the side there is flat for her bed.  Before we made a bed for her she would stretch out across the entrance, even when someone in a wheelchair was trying to go through.

Tiles going up, across, an down.

Tiles going up, across, and down.

I love what we have been able to do.  I’m looking forward to the visit.  I’ll let you know how it goes.  I’m prepared for the best and the worst.  It’s just how life is.

At School: Deer Caught in the Headlights*

“Deer in the Headlights.”  That’s how I think of the girls in school.  They are having a very hard time, in academics, and socially.  Academically they have switched to English, so it will take them time to catch up.  But I think even more, they are just terrified.  No one has misbehaved, even in the face of insults from teachers.  We have had tears, appropriate to the situations.

The educational world here is a cruel one, where too often teachers take out their anger, hate, frustrations, on the children.  In spite of national laws, hitting by teachers continues.  So does making them stand in positions of humiliation.  Our girls have not been beaten or made to hold their ears while squatting 50 times.  But they have been asked if they eat grass from the field, and they have been asked if our Shishur Sevay teachers were found on the road.  This was asked of them by a teacher we had already nicknamed “Donkey-Sir” as he calls all the kids Donkeys. Back at home we all had a good laugh because everyone comes from the road, no helicopters here, no flying elephants… just broken bumpy roads.

This is a private school, founded on high principles, but it all comes down to the teachers, like childcare comes down to who is actually taking care of the children.  “The devil is in the details.”  I’m writing because I’m at a crossroads again about their education.  I’m continually evaluating what is working, what isn’t, what needs to change, including in my own perspective.  The cultural differences and behaviors in education are far more alien to me than any other aspects of life here.  I just figured out that I have been a school parent for some 40 years now!  Over those years, I don’t think I ever felt demeaned by teachers or school officials.  I had disagreements along the way, many, but it always felt like we were on the same level, even when I was told that the school knew better than I did what my daughters needed.   I’m struggling as I write this because there have been exceptions, but that’s what they have been.  And there have been some good teachers along the way.  There have also been some “nice” teachers who unfortunately held the girls to such low standards, they are still behind.   But now that I’ve made my DISCLAIMER, that I’m not talking about ALL schools, let me tell you what it’s been like.  I need to.  Warning: this may be long. I’ve not done well with schools.

Special Education:  The first school where I sent our kids was one I had funded several years before in a program to help the orphans with disability who were “left over” when IMH closed.  Feeling some sense of responsibility for these children none of us took, I paid for their evaluations and the building of appropriate chairs and other furniture for them, and for training of staff as to how better to care for them.  So, when I came back a few years later, having founded Shishur Sevay, I expected to be treated as another professional, not “just a parent.”  We were off to a bad start when I sang, ‘If you’re happy and you know it, clap you hands…” to another crying child in the room.

I tried another school for kids with disabilities.    They wanted a special letter from the Director of Social Welfare giving them permission to take the four little ones.   We did last three weeks.  At that school the children were not given water for the four hours they were there.  We would pick them up and they would, all four, be thrusting out their tongues for water.  The bottle we sent with them was not used.  The Principal said, “we will look into it,” but nothing changed.  On the first day we had gone to pick them up and they were stuck to the chairs, which had been painted but not dried.  We had to peel them off the chairs, which meant they had not been moved in four hours.  (The school offered to pay for new uniforms for them.) But it was really the water that was the clincher, and my wondering, “What kind of people deny water to children who can’t speak or walk?”  I just didn’t want the kids with people like that.

Well, back to my older girls, the ones with the headlights in their eyes, I need to shift my assessment from, they WON’T study to they CAN’T study.  I’ve had some outside teachers, friends recently who have really helped me figuring this out.   The girls are smart, but what they know is not making it to the tests.  Some of it is just learning English, some is a wall of protection that keeps them from trying.   If I imagine a headlight in my eyes, then parts of speech or lowest common denominator are pretty irrelevant.  Yesterday I was looking at a test on of the girls took.  It was about a story her class had read in school.  The test was a series of questions and answers.  The questions were from the back of the chapter and the answers had been dictated by the teacher.  For the test she had to be able to write the answers word for word.  Her spelling was not good.  She didn’t do them all.  But even if she had, the question remained in my mind, “So what?”   Was she learning comprehension?  She didn’t even have to find the answers to the questions herself.  Back in their first school, the government school, teachers read out answers to the standardized tests.  We used to call that teacher “Answer-Aunty.”  In the next school we had “Caste-Aunty” the one who asked them their religion and Caste in order to place them in the Houses.  Last, I can’t resist adding “Gold-Aunty” who this year complained that I had not sent enough costume jewelry for the dance.  I had however sent enough saris for all the girls in the dance, as we had extras.  It wears me down.  I’m sure it wears the girls down.

I want them to be educated, to be able to think and write and express themselves.  But I also want them to have the necessary certificates to go on into academic or vocational fields.  The workload makes that near impossible.  I’m looking now at the National Institute for Open Schools, a government initiative for older students, with a board exam at Classes X and XII similar to other State and National Boards.  I had tried to do that earlier for one of the girls, but the lower grade program was run out of the same school where I’d withdrawn the children with disabilities, and they turned us away.  That’s what I mean, the vengeance… I don’t get it.

Why re-thinking now?  There is always a reason. For one of the girls we have been able to make contact with her relatives and we will be going to see them.  For privacy I’ll leave it at that.  You see, if she imagines she might be able to go back to her village, then when she is insulted at school she thinks, “I don’t have to take this.  I’d rather live in my village.”  When she told me this, I immediately thought of the others, and whether they take the abuse out of a sense of no choice.  That’s not OK either, not for any of them.  These discussions have brought us all closer.

I’ve looked at the times I’ve been grumpy with the girls and decided to cease and desist, immediately, and I did.  Last weekend we had a really relaxed time with some TV, some cooking, some hanging out, some studying.  I think after Rosalind Forber-Pratt’s visit and her work with the girls, I’m not so worried about them.  I have a better understanding of what keeps them from using their thinking abilities.  Also now that it’s all in English, I have an idea about what is going on, and no one is able to shut me out of their studies.

Well, I just stopped writing to check on how they were doing.  They all seemed really happy doing their work, talking with each other….  It’s REALLY hard being a mother.  You know, here in West Bengal, at exam time the mothers all go to the temple to pray for their children.  The children are happy to have their parents out of the house so they can watch some TV.  I know all about keeping one’s distance, equilibrium, all the theory.  But mothering is being in it with them, and at the same time trying to keep your periscope up so you can see the bigger picture and change course when necessary.

Mother with periscope.

p.s.  Ganga can dance now in a harness made for her.  Here is a video of her first try.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=96I9HfpI7F4&feature=youtu.be    I sent a picture to the school and asked if she could dance with the others in the Independence Day Ceremonies, but they said no.  They said she could sing with the group, but she hates that because she just sits there in her wheelchair unable to make sounds come out of her mouth.  I’m upset.  Down periscope and I tell her the world is a tough place.  Up periscope and the seas look rough, the sun hiding behind gray clouds.  Down periscope and the kids are happy and the house is bright and pretty and full of good sounds.

*The term “Deer caught in the headlights” refers to the situation when a deer is crossing a road and a car is coming, and the sudden headlights cause the deer to freeze, unable to run.  It’s also been used as a method of hunting animals, shining a light in their eyes and when they freeze, to shoot them.

What is G.K. ? (a.k.a. General Knowledge)

GK is a school course in Indian schools.  I first was introduced to it when I was staying with Gibi’s family and helping Jugal with homework.  I’d been puzzled by the questions he seemed to be studying, one day movie stars, and the next day flags of different countries… seemingly random questions and subject matter.  Well, that’s what it is, random, and what you would study if you were preparing for a general quiz.  Quizzes are very popular here.   This year is the first year the girls are studying in English, so I am more able to see what they have to learn.  I’m working with all their subjects to help them find ways to learn, remember more, get higher grades (that’s being blunt).  They are capable of doing better than they are, at least the ones we have in an outside school.

Thursday is a GK test, so I suggested we begin a few days early preparing.  They showed me three pages in their GK book.  One is about animals, facts about several different animals and where they live.  This included polar bear, jackal, pangolin, hyena, armadillo, gibbon, bactrian camel, and opossum.  This evening we went online to look at images and a few videos of them.  Then there is a page of water animals and fish, and last is the page I’ve copied below.  Well, part of the page is here.  There was even more.  The task: to learn what these abbreviations mean.  They don’t have to know anything about the subjects or the organizations, just the names and abbreviations.

I asked, “How will we find the answers?”  I was concerned about how they would find all these names, how I would help them, but there was no reason to worry.  They opened the book to the last pages and showed me all the answers to page 33.  It’s how they had found all the names of the animals, from the back of the book.  “Aha!” I said, and then asked them to leave a copy of the book with me so I could scan it.

To be learned for a test this week.

Next, the answers from the back of the book.  They are random.  I also had to explain the differences (?) between organizations, corporations, associations, companies,  bureaus….  So these are the answers below and they have to make lists of the abbreviations and the names.

It’s now the 4th of July, night time, and today there was a crisis at the school.  A teacher said to our girls, “You eat grass from a field?”  Then, “Where do you find your teachers, on the road?”  The girls have been demeaned a lot, and picked out as a special group for demeaning.  Actually there is a lot of demeaning going on in the school.  It seems to be the default attitude among some teachers.  So I went to meet with the admin, and took Gibi along.  I decided we would approach the school as “sad” and that was fairly effective.  We got apologies, as the school admin does not want this kind of behavior.  But it’s the culture of schools.  This school has taken it seriously.  They asked why I didn’t come earlier and I said simply I was afraid, and the girls were afraid that there would be retaliation.  But today the girls broke down in class crying, and Ganga’s teacher saw them and called me.

Well, now at 11 pm they are still studying the abbreviations.  I decided to help by organizing them by function… sports, tv/radio, science & education, etc.  So this is my contribution.

The abbreviations organized in groups

I seem to have gotten a few wrong, but the girls corrected me.  The girls had about three hours of Bangali and math homework before they could get to this.

It just hurts.  One teacher refused to call them by name, referring to each one as Shishur Sevay.  I tried to explain to the school that these attitudes are not conducive to studying or self confidence.  I’m not sure it registered.  I do believe though that the Founder, Principal, and Vice Principal with whom we met have taken us seriously and will try.

A few weeks ago we were working on a grant application and they asked us for what we thought were our three biggest accomplishments.  Well, our biggest and best is that WE ARE HERE!  We have survived five years.  We continue to thrive and we keep taking one obstacle at a time, one day at a time, one test at a time… I know I keep repeating myself but I can’t stop thinking, “You eat grass?”  This is about animals, cows, horses, sheep, goats, not children who have been abandoned and abused…. The words stay with me as I know they will stay with the girls, stacked on top of all the other demeaning and humiliating remarks that have been made to and about them.  And tomorrow when they take this GK test, they will have to push all this from their minds and try to remember that RBI stands for Reserve Bank of India, and not Runs Batted In, which is what Maggie and I thought at first.

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