Shishur Sevay

This is how it is, existential and mundane.  The mundane is that I cut off the tip of my thumb cutting vegetables — just too much commotion in the kitchen as I was demonstrating use of a "mandolin" cutter that my daughter and son-in-law brought, and it slipped.  The relevance is that my typing is slow and awkward and if i try to hit "n" i get the space bar and have to go back.

We are bothered by the big and little simultaneously.  I’m distracted trying to avoid m and n.

I am blessed and lonely, at the same time.  I am blessed because I lead the life I want, taking care of the children, building, learning, creating this home.  I am blessed because when I heard them calling to me two years ago as I walked down Broadway in Manhattan, I was able to come her, to move from the thought, the call, to the creation of this family-like group.  Even in my most lonely moments I do not want to leave here.  I just wish the distance was less.

What do I miss?  Well, first of all, I have to explain that loneliness is not new to me.  I don’t make or keep friends easily.  I am in my head a lot of the time.  And I’m "different" in ways that seem to separate me from others.  This probably is also why I could do this. I’m not very social.  I prefer time alone to write, take pictures, muse… These are not social activities.  So some of the loneliness is just part of being me… But the major difference is that I miss my kids terribly.  I miss just hanging out with them.  We talk frequently, by phone and by internet, but it’s not the same.  I want a hug!  I want to give a mommy-hug.

I  miss my aunt, the relative I am closest to.  We talk on the phone too, but it’s not the same.  If she were younger she would come to visit.  She loves to hear about the children.  I send her prints through Snapfish.  I miss visiting her, talking, playing with Lily, her beloved cat… I miss knowing her life better, as she has moved since I came here — a new place with new people, as well as the old.  She has friends from her childhood — she is good at keeping people close.

I miss the freedom of life in the US.  I miss walking, long walks, streets, parks… browsing in bookstores.  I guess I miss the places I went while I was also feeling lonely.  Here, I miss that, but I have the ‘blessed" part and if I start to feel bad, I go and play with the little kids.  Rani is always happy to wave her hands as I sing to her, or dance.  Sonali, blind, loves to be held as I whirl around.  And of course Bornali and Ganga, our "Art-Medalists" love to be talked to.  Or, I go upstairs to the classroom, and sit in… which makes kids and teachers happy.

Then there is the other part of mundane… trying to keep order in my workspace… but I usually write instead…

Here I am, writing instead of making order… in the area you don’t see.  But Ganga wanted to stay with me, and I couldn’t straighten up with her on my lap.  But those few pieces of paper on the table are still there (here) as I don’t know where to put them. And in fairness to myself, this IS the office, an area of about 5X10 ft of a room 12X10, where the kids also hang out, and I could send them away but I don’t because I love having them here, underfoot.  This is my life — blessed and lonely, a sore thumb, and children underfoot.  My life is very very good.

"Sit and Draw" competitions are as common as sports events here, and sometimes there is also a Quiz competition too, or a Math competition.  Today was a "Sit and Draw" in the local park, and the organizers made sure to make us feel welcome.  Our girls had never done anything like this.  But they were enthusiastic, well behaved, and yet a bit lost.  For sure they will  never blow off a drawing class again!

You can’t tell from the pictures which are our girls… that’s the whole point, to give the children a chance to just be part of the community.

But Bornali wasn’t intimidated at all.

Neither was Ganga.

But once done drawing, she was impatient with the festivities and made it clear where (and with whom) she wanted to be.

Guardians are not allowed to talk to the children during the competition, but this mother was yelling to her child,  "Green! Green!"  Moms are the same everywhere.

In the evening we went back to the park to receive awards. 

THE WINNERS WERE:

GANGA with her assistant Seema, and BORNALI with her assistant Bijoy.  Everyone cheered, and we came home to celebrate them, and to put their two prize plates in our showcase.

Post script:  As I write this, two of the girls are sitting here in my work area drawing… mostly repititions (with improvements) of their drawings from Sunday in the Park.  They are already talking about next year’s competition.

The State of our Education at Shishur Sevay:  Well, six girls came home with the Bengali equivalent of "A" for their January round of examinations.  One girl came home with "C" but it’s not a real C because someone else did her exam for her.  What that means is that one of our girls (I know which one) did her exam and then did the second exam for our "C" student — so I guess she should really have an A+.

But truly this is so exciting!  It’s validation for them and for us… for the intensity of the teaching, for their work and self-discipline.

So, here is the breakdown of our teaching right now….

There are three groups:  One group (6 girls) goes to school at the government school and comes home for six more hours of school.

One group (3 girls) is being educated entirely at Shishur Sevay.  There are multiple reasons for this… but they have classes beginning at 8 am, and then at 11 am join the others for another six hours of class.

One group (4 girls with handicaps) has classes four hours in the morning. Part of that time is spent in the regular classroom with the other girls.  In the late afternoon another teacher comes, from 4-8, and works with them again, everything from cognitive development to feeding and potty training.  If Ganga and Bornali are awake after lunch, they also join the English class from 2-4.

The schedule will be changing for the handicapped girls.  Their  morning teacher is leaving for another position, but will continue to come in the afternoon for a while to continue working with them.  The four children will begin attending classes at Indian Institute for Cerebral Palsy on a daily basis from 9am to 1:30 pm.  Tomorrow morning we will take them there for one of several evaluations for class placement.  The children are known to the staff there as we have attended the outpatient department there, and each was thoroughly evaluated there in May 2007.

The handicapped children receive physiotherapy almost every day.  Next week they will be evaluated for speech and language and we will start treatment as recommended.  I tried to get the speech therapist to start this week but he was getting married yesterday….

Ganga is most aware of school, wants to be with the older didis all the time, and wants to stay at school when we go there in the morning.  She seems to understand that she will be starting school, and that she will have a uniform and school bag.  She squeals when we tell her.  Ganga is also the one who knows she is different, knows the others are doing things she can’t do.

The IICP is not trained for the blind, but Sonali is not yet three and they will work with her in several modalities.  We will see how it works out.  Bornali loves action and will be thrilled to be moving about.  Rani (Poomina), well we never really know…  Speaking of her though, yesterday she actually sang a line of Baa Baa Black Sheep… then wouldn’t repeat it, but she has the rhythm!!!!!!!!.  Little bits open up… make it through the slow brain waves to join us in music and rhythm.  The sounds are beginnings, moments to build on, circuits to build on.  Rani loves music, waves her arms, sways, joins us, soul to souls…..

I do feel a sense of wonder at having the children.   All the usual words seem sappy.  I was telling Cici it’s like first seeing the Earth from the sky, and looking at masses of people, and then coming closer and closer, and the masses become individuals, and then the individuals become a small group of very special people in my life, children I love, children who look the same from afar, but each so different, so special, so unique, so much my children, all of them.  And having said that, a part of me is already missing the handicapped children who will be gone at school most of the day come April.  I’m hopeless.  I laugh at myself.

Ganga tried to talk to Cici Didi on the phone today.  Ganga was in her standing frame when Cici called.  Ganga hates the frame because it is hard, so hard for her to hold herself up even with the frame and leg braces for support.  But she also loves praise and responds, so when we tell her how good she is standing, she grins and tries even harder.  Remember, less than a year ago she could not hold her head up.  Cici called while this was going on, and I asked Ganga if she wanted to talk to her…. I’m not sure what she understood but she knows Cici’s picture and knows "Didi" means big sister…. so I held the phone to her and she grinned and tried so hard to speak.  She mouthed words, but no sound came out.  She has listened on the phone before, but this was the most excited she has been.  She was so happy.  And Cici didi was so happy that she had made a difference.

Small things in our lives… islands of peace away from the turmoil.  I know people have all sorts of wonderful descriptive words for what I’m doing… but frankly from inside, I’m just hiding out from the big bad world with my little family of orphan children. The sun shines a lot here, even through the inevitable monsoons of life.

KABADI, KABADI, KABADI, KABADI, KABADI, KABADI… and so on, until you are out of breath!!!!  Gibi, our co-founder, aka Mrs. Jasvinder Kaur, is the clear champion of this game!

Well, this was the morning, the Sunday morning in January, that happened also to be the birthday of my mother… a day I thought about her, what she might be thinking if she were alive and knew about my life now.   Part III to follow… the afternoon with our visitors.