They Never Stop Waiting

They never stop waiting for their mothers to come back.  They cannot be with us because they are always 3 or 7 or 10 years old, sitting on a railway bench, or standing on a street corner.  “My mother told me to wait here until she comes back.”  And so they wait, or they go looking but they will not find her, yet they never stop looking.

Two nights ago, one of our girls left in the evening, in the pouring monsoon rain, thunder and lightning, barefooted, to find her mother.  She climbed a ladder and spread the rusted barbed wire, and was gone.  By midnight Seema Gupta and I were trudging through 2 ft. of water to get to the road, and then to the local police station. We had pulled together her files, written a formal letter for the police, and printed out recent pictures of her.  By 2 am we were back home.  The other girls were devastated and frightened for her.  We didn’t know why she had gone.  We worried especially because she is particularly vulnerable.  We each scanned the day for a hint, for what we might have said that set her off…. I think we each took her leaving personally.

The Officer came to Shishur Sevay at 9 am to search the premises and see how she got out.  He told us we need more cameras outside and a higher boundary wall.  He was worried about someone coming in as much as one of the girls leaving.  He interviewed us all. And he took it all seriously.  Being in our home, he was even more puzzled that she had left.  Few people really understand the children who wait forever.  Ten minutes after he left we got a call from another police station about a girl they had picked up in the night, asking whether she was ours.  She was.  She was safe.  She had given a false name.  She was now housed at the government home, and would be produced the following day at the Child Welfare Committee and we were to appear with all her papers and a copy of the police filing.  Dispositions would be made.  I wasn’t even sure what I wanted.

We all met in the Committee room.  She stood stoically near me and then began to silently cry.  I  asked her why she had run.  She said, “My mother,” and I understood.  For ten years she has drawn the same family picture, and told the same story about being left…. She doesn’t want to leave Shishur Sevay.  She just wants to see her mother, see if she is OK, tell her she is OK.  The children whose mothers have died are freer to move on, and they are not haunted by abandonment, or, “why was I left?”.  Today in the CWC room we also saw an adorable three or four year old who had been found sitting in the train station.  She was waiting.  Her mother told her to wait there and left with a man.  Her mother didn’t come back.  If a woman remarries the new husband usually does not want her children.  It is an ugly custom, and ugly how it happens because the children never stop looking.

A couple of years ago we talked with all the girls about searching, and put bindis on railway stops they remembered. But then they became unsure of what they wanted. They were also afraid of not having the security they have here.  So we put the map away and tomorrow I will take it out again.

Today we went back to the local police station to give them the reports, to withdraw the request, and for them to meet our girl.  She was frightened, but was so warmly received she relaxed.  And then the same Officer got on the phone and made calls to people in the town she remembers.  He will also help us with other searches.   She was also clear with CWC, and today, “My mother is Dr. Michelle Harrison, but I have another mother and I want to find her.  I just want to see her.”

We will try.  Maybe we will find a familiar place.  Maybe starting at the bus station she will recognize a road…. we will walk around.  The police will help us.  We have the support of the CWC now.  I used to tell the girls that one day we will hire a big bus and travel to all the places they remember.

What are my hopes?

  1. To find a place and people who are familiar or known to them or related to them, a place they can find again.
  2.  To know they have our full support in helping them connect with their past.
  3.  To help them sort out what they want and to see it as a long term process in which they may have differing feelings at different times.
  4.  To help them move back and forth in these worlds and to honour their decisions but provide safety and protection at the same time.
  5.  To help them find some peace of mind in weaving together past and present so they can move into the future.

This is the little girl I saw waiting on a corner in 2001.  I’ve never stopped wondering.  I hope she stopped looking.  She is a part of the history of Shishur Sevay.

lost girl 2001

 

4 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. joycegodwingrubbs2
    Jun 23, 2017 @ 01:25:26

    Of all the amazing posts in our years as friends, this one tore me up. It is a universal problem of children, in this case the girls, obediently wanting to “wait” then “find” their mothers and there is little we can do to change it. I only take comfort in hearing that this time the police were so involved, even kind and caring. I imagine that is actually a testament to the history of your caring heart and the home you have made for them.
    I read, within the last year, about a study that says that we are genetically embedded with a “connection” to our mother due to some chemical influence that is part of the birth process. Our brain “never loses” it. I’m beginning to see some of the validation for that.
    Keep strong and know that as much as it is “not about you or any failing on your part” it is about that God given blessing and design between mother and child. It is a piece of our “hearts” that helps us go on and gives us purpose.

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    • Dr. Michelle Harrison
      Jun 23, 2017 @ 09:42:03

      From an early age I understood this connection, for both mother and child. I loved listening to women sitting around the table talking about their births. When I began obstetrics as a student I used to hold the baby up to the mother and say things like, “She looks so smart,” or”So beautiful!” Some didn’t even speak English but I wanted those positive words and expression to be a part of the women’s memories.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

  2. windpig
    Jun 23, 2017 @ 04:27:46

    That one tore me up too. Michelle, you’re a saint. Thx for all your hard work.

    Take care.

    Greg Ferrer

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    Reply

  3. beavoicefororphans
    Jul 13, 2017 @ 08:04:03

    So precious is this little one and all your girls. Your hopes are good for them…

    Like

    Reply

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