Shishur Sevay

Heather didi and Andrei dada came to visit us in June.  Now it is mid August.  They came at a time of major crisis.  I have far less pictures than usual.  We had far less time together than we had anticipated.  This is a post that has been waiting to be blogged, and now I have a chance to reflect back on the visit, re-enjoy the pictures, and write.  Heather is my older daughter, and Andrei her husband.  We are a very small family, Heather, her husband, and my younger daughter Cici.  The four of us are close.  The three of them are close.  I miss them.

Heather and Andrei first came to Kolkata in August 2007 to visit me.  Heather explained that she was ONLY coming to see me as she didn't really expect to enjoy any other part of the trip. However, I know my daughter well, and I know her warmth and big heart, and comfort with  children.  She has always loved being with children, and she has always been amazingly funny, energetic, and reassuring with them.  She was/is always a great big sister.  As for Andrei, I knew he would have a great time here.  So these are some pictures from their first visit, in August 2007:

At Home

At School

 At Pizza Hut

And then the next year, Summer 2008, they brought Cici didi too!  Here we are in a rare photo of us all. (That's me in the sari.)

So this year was their third trip and by now we had all sorts of "family rituals" with the girls. We went to Aquatica again.

An exhausting day for all

This year we went to MacDonald's instead of Pizza Hut

But the best is always hanging out at Shishur Sevay, time of just being together.

This year Andrei and Heather celebrated 11 years of marriage — flowers, superb chocolate cake, and an evening out in Kolkata.  Two places were closed, and the other was about to have a private party, but we had fun.

Eleven years and as much in love with each other as the day they married.  I am also a very fortunate mother-in-law, which holds a lot of sway in India! It is one thing to have my daughters visit, but quite another, and admirable, to have my son-in-law come.  In the last two days we have decided that he will come and help me with some matters here.  We are a small family, my two daughters and son-in-law, and we have our conflicts, but we are family.  Cici calls us a "Funny Family" on Facebook.  Heather used to be the older of two, and now I have twelve more children.  Cici used to be the baby of the family and now she is second of the 14.  These are not easy adjustments.  In fact, having a mother go off to another continent to become mother to 12 orphans may be admirable, but not easy for those who are far away.   My children are very proud of me, but they wish I were closer, and they wish most of all that I was not faced with crisis after crisis in trying to care for the children here.

Here are my kids in Vancouver last year.  They will be going again soon.  I wish I could go with them one year.  I wish things would settle down here and be easier.  I love my life here, but I miss my kids in America and wish I could be more a part of their lives too.  I am under siege here and it wears on me.

My kids in Vancouver last year

I miss them.

You have to look closely into the swing seat to see a decorated Gopal.  He is Krishna as a little boy, known for being naughty. In our Pooja for Janmashtami, I told him that if he were too naughty he would have to go in Rani's crib.  My humor was appreciated. 

Seriously though, this is the first Jamnashtami we have celebrated at Shishur Sevay.  At least where we are, Indian celebrations occur within the family, within the homes.  So, sometimes we are really alone, and this year I happened to hear what actually goes on and decided we would do what we could.  One of the teachers gave Bijoy a list of what to buy, and then late in the morning she and he started decorating the wooden swing in which Gopal would sit.  We had special clothes for him, and a crown, all of which was easliy bought as a package.

Meanwhile, as work went on, Ian struck up some conversations with Ganga and Sonali:

But Sonali was more interested in thumb-rest time.  Ian was far more successful with Ganga.

In fact she was very interested:

But work continued for Gopal's swing and Ganga made sure the camera caught her too.

And finally

Now for the bare outline of the meaning, a quote from an unidentified web site (oops):

"Janmashtami legends relates to the different interesting stories of Shri Krishna. Beginning from his birth till the days of his later years, people know Shri Krishna as a Protector of human beings. They still remember and commemorate his birth to honor Him for what He did for humankind. On the day of Janmashtami, people pray to Him to destroy all the evil from this earth and make it the best place to live in. they ask forgiveness for their misdeeds and also thank him for His benevolence. They know that he will always be there for their help.

The different Janmashtami legends that gave rise to the celebration of the Janmashtami is very interesting to know. The most famous legendary episode of Janmashtami is the killing of King Kansa who was the maternal uncle of Lord Krishna. According to Hindu mythology, there was a prophecy that declared that the child of Devaki would kill Kansa. And Lord Krishna was that child who was born to Devaki but was brought up by Yashoda and Nand at Gokul"

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So, in this year of 2009, we finally learned about the meaning and procedures, the making of the swing, which they loved to make go back and forth with the string of marigolds.  None of the girls knew of Janmashtami, nor had they seen Gopal in the swing.  At prayer time, Gopal was with us, and that's when I issued the warning to him about Rani's crib. 

Just a note about Rani's Crib… Rani used to be unmanageable at times so she was kept in a crib — a crib I had built just for her.  Now she is rarely in it, but it's become the symbolic "time out" place if a big girl's behavior is out of control or like Rani used to be.  When Ian hurt his sister's feelings and she put it on Facebook, I threatened to put Ian in Rani's crib, but I think it was mostly a misunderstanding so he didn't have to go in Rani's crib.

We didn't have to buy Gopal because some time ago I bought each girl a Gopal for her locker.  The girls have slowly collected Gods to put in their lockers, except with Gopal they decided to keep them all together on the Pandal.  So one went on the swing, and another went home with Ian, as a little gift from Shishur Sevay.

 This has been a rough few months as I try to focus on the program and hum a happy tune while making my way over the obstacles.  Back in December someone said to me, "You are in conflict with your environment."  These words were helpful.  They put a name to my experience with words that could dance around or bounce around in my head.  And since I am not likely to change and my environment is not likely to change, this is what it will always be, but hopefully with periods of respite.

The volunteers from Spain are group who come every August to Kolkata to volunteer at various places including Mother Teresa's many Homes.  This year they asked to volunteer also at Shishur Sevay.  Some wanted to scrape and paint walls; some offered to help computerize many of the functions here; and some said they would work on the educational programs for our four with disabilities.   When they came back the next day they were stunned to see how wired we are.

I have a principle that keeps me going… that the work must go on, that Shishur Sevay must never get bogged down by the obstacles – parallel paths with the most important one being what we give to the children, and the most bothersome being what it takes to do that.

Shishur Sevay is and has been a "happening place" for a while now.

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The volunteers from Spain… They come every August to Kolkata to volunteer at various places including Mother Teresa's many Homes.  This year they asked to volunteer also at Shishur Sevay.  Some wanted to scrape and paint walls; some offered to help computerize many of the functions here; and some said they would work on the educational programs for our four with disabilities.   When they came back the next day they were stunned to see how wired we are.

Anjali and I are meeting with the volunteers

 Wire brushes even!!!!

Ben and Anjali — and one of the volunteers – we are all wired.

 
 Unwired teaching about Spain. Javier addressed differences in social services and medical care, as well as talking and showing pictures (downloaded from the web and printed on our laser printer) of ordinary life in Spain.

O.K. now wired again!

The student interns from China stayed a week.   The group had not been prepared well for another culture, and they were asked to leave the residence where they were staying. I think they went back to China.  Below, they are helping make Rakhis.  This is a custom in which decorated bracelets are put on the wrists of brothers (a loosely used term for this occasion by sisters.  Here the big and small kids are making rakhis.  This year the school added another interpretation to the ceremony.  Rakhi was framed as an occasion in which the freedom fighters used it to say we are all one and so girls received rakhis at the school too.   

Rakhis were saved for Ian Dada's visit.

Oops!, no one remembered to clean up!!!!

Moments of respite…You can see it was fun!

WHAT I WROTE TEN DAYS AGO……

Reasons I haven't been blogging:

1. Twelve kids to take care of

2. Twelve kids to take care of

3 Twelve kids to take care of

I could go on, but it would be more of the same.  In addition I have other problems:

1. The government

2. The government

3. The government.

I could go on…..

But there is also the joy of the twelve children and joy takes time.   I have to hunt for the camera, take the pciture, download it, and then wait and wait, and try again another day.  I have to change my provider.

It's noon and I'm reporting on the day so far.  Seema took the girls to school today, as she usually does, but I usually go too.  On Saturdays though I don't send Ganga and Bornali as the time is used for testing, and there is no real activity in the classroom.  I woke with a headache — went to bed with a headache — took my homeopathic med which I believe keeps the headache from developing into a full blown migraine.  So I luxuraited in bed (my mat) while Shanti Devi gave me a head massage and used her magic oils and then I was fine.  Then she went to work massaging the four little ones.

Seema came back from school to tell me that math-sir was upset with our girls and felt they had too many deficiencies.  I agree.  I have battled with teachers since we started because I felt the standards were lowered, expectations were lowered and even the term "mercy for the orphans" has been used.  We went to the school together at 10 because I wanted to meet with math-sir.  I brought all the reports, pages and pages, lists of rememdial programs, and at least showed the school I was aware and concerned and doing everything I could.  I pointed out to them that their giving easy marks made it more difficult as the girls had confronted me with the fact that the school thought they were fine so why was I not happy with their perfomance.  Actually today he had marked hard, which is great.  He gave one girl a "0" because her work was technically correct but illegible and in all directions.   I thanked him.  We went over the evaluations I've had done.  I think we are working better now and I will have our math teachers meet with him.

The new LD consultant is finding the same things though she feels we have the infrastructure to provide the remedial help.  So I feel that at last I am beginning to get genuine support for my educational ideas andprograms.  This is a very tough challenge.  I did not find any other places doing intense education of older girls, and older is really after about 7 or 8 when they have not been educated at all before.  This is an experiment which also means I learn as I go.  And it means I don't know how it will turn out.

An example of what I've struggled with:  Two years ago the teacher told me the girls knew up to 50 (in Bengali).  I knew they didn't understand any of it, but they could count as rote, as prayer, as monologue.  I made a game with candies.  We sat on the floor and I gave each a handful to count — tell me how many, and you stay in the game.  I was handing out between 4 and 12.  About half got it.  They didn't equate the numbers with quantity.  I also tried writing 1-50 (in Bengali) and would point to one number.  None could get it without starting from the beginning.  No, they didn't know their numbers. 

Bengali math books do not have word problems so I got some English ones and tried working it out… But I have little time to teach, consumed mostly by one government induced crisis or another.  I remember our first summre vacation and I'd bought some English activity books that I thought we could do together.  But the first day of vacation I leaned of a new government problem when they tried to force us to take more children and then threatened to close us if we didn't.  We survived but they held to their threat about our license and it took another year to get the renewal.  Teaching was lost.  It's not just the loss of time, but of sapped energy.  The same is true today — battles for survival of Shishur Sevay, battles over protection of the children.  We just got our license renewal again but it again required complomises over my time.

When we picked up the girls, one came running with a young sparrow in her hand.  They had found it in a classroom and it couldn't fly.  So we brought it home and I put it in one of the rooms of the rabbit cage (rabbits doubled up at the moment).  A few minutes later the pillow maker man came on his bicycle and I decided to have him fill up the huge stuffed teddy bear that someone had cut and taken stuffing from — our own lilttle vandalism.  I have pictures of the bear getting re-stuffed, and even his bowtie back on.  Then I had four more small pillows made as our original ones were really grimy. 

Then I went back to dealing with math.  I met with the girls and the teacher — actually the Bengalli teacher is here today but I asked her to do math, given the problems.  I had a heart to heart with the girls.  I said I was not upset with them specifically, but they had to work harder at getting the information into their heads.  I said these were battles I'd had with all their teachers and reminded them of the candy game when they didn't know numbers.

I often use the metaphor of cancer.  In fact I once wrote CANCER on the board to shake up the teachers!  Illiteracy for these children is a cancer.  it will kill them.  You don't ask a child with cancer if they want chemo — even if they are orphans and have suffered.  Or, at least I don't.  I told this to the kids.  I told them I really knew how terrible their lives had been and what they had been through — that if I didn't really understand that, I wouldn't be here.  But learning is their survival now.  It is their chemo.  They know about my chemo.  If I hadn't had chemo I wouldn't be here with them.  "Mercy" is not letting them die of illiteracy.  I told them they were each very strong or they would not have survived, and that each had don'e things to protect themselves, had acted strongly.  Several looked reflective and tearful.

Can girls at this age — probably about 8-12 when they came two years ago, be educated if they have had no prior education?  I think of this question also in relation to Interntional adoption, particularly when the language is different.  If it is this hard for them catching up, learning concepts, what must it be like if they also had to do all of this in a new language, with not substantive assistance in their own language?  How do you learn math concepts when you don't understand the words being used to explain?  How do you learn grammar when you do not know grammar in your mother tongue?  The girls' Bengali is improving dramatically (I am told) but it is not yet what it should be for them to integrate into a community of educated people.  This is NOT like the situations of immigrant families with children who suddenly change languages, but often do extrememly well, because of their foundations.  How do you build when the foundation is so weak?  Where do you start?

I am comfortable with where we started, the basics, colors, shapes, alphabets, numbers.  I think some of our early teachers were rigid and stayed only with the methods used in the schools,   These are methods Indians complain about, rote memory with passing grade being 40%.  As I write this I know it is hard for anyone today to realize how deficient they were.  When I look back, as I write this, I am actually thrilled they have come so far.

But, they do not understand that multiplication is a short form of addition.

They do not understand the concept of borrowing in subtraction, so sometimes they get it right and sometimes they get it wrong.

See, I"m still worrying.  But in spite of my worries, this IS Saturday night and so they will stay up until midnight watching movies.  I KNOW they need down time.  I read somewhere that watching funny movies before sleep makes sleep better so sometimes in the evening I let them watch a funny movie before sleep time. 

As the day ends, the girls have turned on TV, and will be up long after I've fallen asleep.  The baby sparrow is doing fine, but calling out, pacing in front of the cage.  I put a potted plant in the cage but the bird shows no interest in this mini tree and has instead gone to sleep in the corner.

Tomorrow is Sunday.  The girls will sleep in, and then work on a drama they are doing — learning scripts.  I want to get them to a play.  They didn't really understand that in drama the actors repeat the written script.  It's not improv, but rather another form of disciplined learning.  They are really enjoying the process.  With them, everything is new.