A Lifetime Home for Women and Girls: The Daughters of Shishur Sevay

The Government wanted to empty Shishur Sevay and fill it with new children. That was their plan. We simply would not allow that to happen and it didn’t.

In the life of every orphan child there is a time when suddenly every person, every place, every landmark they have known is gone! No thing and no one is familiar, and the orphan is powerless. That simply would not happen to the Daughters of Shishur Sevay. By the government’s intent, our older girls would be out on their own, living elsewhere. Our disabled girls over 18 would be housed in institutions. Our under 18 would be put up for adoption, ignoring that three girls are already 17 years and severely disabled. The fourth is 13 and the most severely impaired. But to these government officials who were under pressure to place children, our children were just inventory that needed to be moved to make room for new inventory. Gone would be everything that had allowed the our girls to thrive within a family/community of sisters, care-takers, aunts, “mummy”, the people they loved and who loved them. The tagline of our Shishur Sevay logo is, “To not Feel Alone in the Universe.” The orphan child, particularly the severely disabled child is certainly alone in the universe.

I’d known for a few years there would be a challenge as the new Juvenile Justice Act had removed the category of Small Group Homes from its hierarchy of care. Previously the small group home was the last stop before institutioalization. Under the Juvenile Justice Act, the insitutions are formed with groups of minimum 25 children, while the disabled children are in separate units of ten children each. There is no inclusion. Under the JJ Act, children are also segregated by age. Children under six years are the youngest, then 7-11 years, 12-18 years and after 18 they are released or moved to aftercare until 21, or at most 23 years. The JJ Act is/was developed to address the large numbers of children living on the streets, and the abuses that took place within the existing institutions at the time. My understanding is that small group homes were omitted because of expense. Our problem with the JJ Act was that it didn’t apply to us. When we were founded in 2006 we made the choice not to take government aid because that would require us to “discharge” our girls at 18. We have never taken government funds. We promised the girls permanence. The moment we took in the children with disabilities we understood we were committed to lifetime care.

Beginning in 2019 we met with government officials to argue we should not be licensed under the JJ Act because we did not meet the criteria. We lacked the required space. We even lacked beds because we were so small. We sleep on mats in the big room, myself included. Our census was 12 while the minimum was 25. Our ages range from 9 to 25 years, and we are inclusive — abled and disabled, younger and older, all living together in a family style. We were threatened with being closed down if we did not apply and receive JJ Act Registration. When we went to the people who could approve a women’s home they said we had to wait for all the girls to pass 18 years but we still could not be inclusive. To quote them, “You cannot have the handicaps and normals under the same roof.”

Threatened with closure we applied for JJ Act Registration on 11 April 2019. Then we had to submit a second application 8 January 2020 because the earlier one could not be found even though we had a receipt proving our submission. There was a final inspection of Shishur Sevay in May 2022. I was told by the inspector that our children with CP would be moved, but I ignored him. We finally received JJ Act Registration on 14 July 2022, three years and three months after submission.

Then the nightmare began. On 13th September 2022 we were asked to appear at a meeting of superintendents. We were told that our 4 girls without disabilities over 18 would have to leave. The girls over 18 with disabilities would be moved to an institution, and those under 18 would be listed for adoption. I said no. Their lawyer insisted, “Maam, it’s the law.” Repeatedly I said no. I stood up so I might be listened to and explained this was India and 18 year old girls are not sent from their homes. They brought in the foster care/adoption officer who talked about how to convince children to agree to adoption. I said no again. We have become a family. Our girls cannot be separated from eachother. The girls they wanted to be listed for adoption, “Cannot walk, talk, feed, or toilet themselves” ages 17,17, and 13 years. They require 24/7 care to prevent choking, infection, and pressure sores.

Until very recently our girls had no idea of the threat. Only the Board knew. But that meant I could not look for public support because then the girls would find out. But I did immediately seek legal protection for the girls. Having in my previous life been expert witness in child custody cases I knew how quickly and mercilessly children could be moved/removed. In truth I was terrified. I remained terrified until we received the License.

We were able to keep the girls from knowing anything about these threats until a government official here for inspection asked one of the older girls why she hadn’t moved out yet. Then he checked out our refrigerator and left. Now we had to share the problem and our strategy including our legal resources. We told them what were their rights under the UN. We brought out our most recent Annual Report in which we had listed rights under the UN Convention on the Rights of the Child, The Rights of Persons with Disabilities Act, 2016 (in India) and the National Trust Act, 1999 which states:

“The objects of the Trust shall be: (a) to enable and empower persons with disability to live as independently and as fully as possible within and as close to the community to which they belong

We never had to resort to legal action, but slowly the sea began to change. I was asked in one meeting with a senior official how I thought this would be resolved. “Well,” I said. “You will wiggle a little and I will wiggle and then we will wiggle some more, and then it will be resolved.” Meetings became easier. We presented an interpretation of The Women’s and Children’s Institutions (Licensing) Act,1956 that would allow the government to adjust to the realities of Shishur Sevay with regard to ages not requiring separate facilities, and agreed we would seek guardianship of the girls with disabilities through the National Trust. This had already been our plan.

On Wednesday, 14th June our Foundation Day, we called about the license after festivities were done, and we were told the license had been approved and we should pick it up. It was too late that day so we planned to go the next day. I called Thursday morning to be sure this officer would be in and he told me he was out of the office on election duty and was no longer in that job. He advised us to come Monday to talk with his replacement. We went Monday and arrived to see the same officer, not a replacement and within the next hour we were able to obtain the License. Slightly anticlimactic was my seeing that it had already expired on 31/3/2023, the end of the last fiscal year. We were told to file for renewal which we will do but in Kolkata just having receipt for a submission usually qualifies for having the license.

Receiving the License has changed things for us, for both the girls and for me. For all these years there has been a frightening “what if?” in the back of my mind. Every time I had refused to take more children the government threatened to close Shishur Sevay. And for the girls, there was also a more general, “what if?” They lived with the fear that one day they would wake up and Shishur Sevay would have all been a dream. We are all feeling more secure. The dream morphed into reality.

I recently came across a poem I’d written to my daughter in 1976. It bears an uncanny resemblance to my life today.

To Heather

I went in to bid her
Good night,
My daughter
Four
And now talking so
Completely,
And wanting me
Hearing
As I lay beside her, 
Time suspended
Infancy meshed with today.

"Mommy, when I push the wall
The house is falling."
"No," I answer.
"No, it does not fall
Mommy has given us
A strong house
And it will not fall."

Mommy alone, 
It comes to me,
Mommy has done it all,
Mommy is strong
Mommy is proud,
So we now have
A house
That will not fall.

Mother tells daughter of
A house
Whose walls will not fall.

A woman can build
A house
Whose walls will not fall.

         Michelle Harrison
         1976


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A Vulnerable Boy

Earlier this month I ended up hospitalizing one of the older boys at Aunty’s.  He was  already in a government hospital, refusing to eat, and no one seemed to know what was wrong.  Aunty took him out of that hospital and brought him for me to see, and I sent him to a nursing home where Shanti Devi used to work.  The doctor there is not only respectful of me, but seeks my advice.  I’ve used that home as respite care for girls who have become out of control — a stop short of mental hospitalization, which I’ve also done.   This boy was on anti-psychotics which had been discontinued several months ago. Then there had been staff problems and we presume he was beaten.  It’s what he kept gesturing to us.  When I saw him he was terrified and shaking.

We got him back on his medications, and other than the first night when he screamed all night, he did fine.  But then the question, what to do with him?  Over and over people would say to me, “But he will be beaten if you send him back there,” as if I had any other solutions.

The bill ran up, $12 a day for the bed and $6.00 for the 24 hour aides.  I had a CT scan done to be sure he didn’t have any acute head injury.  It showed only mild abnormalities associated with Schizophrenia.  I’ve been in crisis mode for multiple reasons, including money woes, school enrollments, grants, website development, doctor visits, and all the regular things that go on in a home with 14 children.   But basically I didn’t know what to do.  Then a sore on his foot became infected and swollen so we started him on antibiotics but also did some blood work checking liver and kidney function.  That added a few more days.

We have had occasional times of girls hitting or pinching others, and I deal with it harshly.  Last night after evening prayers we had a meeting and I talked about violence, torture, pinching…. I told them that this is a sad thing that happens in almost most homes.  I talked about the boy in the hospital, whom they have all met, and the problem of what to do with him.   And we talked about how even little things get out of hand.  I think our home is one of the safest places there is for children.    I have friends who beat their children, friends who pinch their children, friends who look away when one sibling hurts another.

I was the Director of a Tufts Day Hospital for mentally ill in Boston and our patients were sometimes beaten up on the street coming to the Center and going home.  We tried to get transportation but the politicians didn’t want to acknowledge the danger so the patients walked the gauntlet to come for care.  You see, Boston, New York, Kolkata, all on the same spectrum of human behavior particularly with respect to cruelty.

I lived part of my childhood on a farm.  My parents were city-dwellers who decided to be farmers.  We were poor; our crops didn’t do well; droughts came and then floods, but I loved that life.  I drove a tractor when I was 12.  I could manage a plow at 14.   I had a horse I rode in competitions of barrel racing and pole bending.  I also tamed horses for other people sometimes.  I kept a blanket roll under my bed so I could jump on my horse and run away from home in the night.  However I was sensible enough to know that a young girl wasn’t going to get very far on horseback in New Jersey.  It was a wonderful fantasy life I had.  One day when I was about thirteen, I was looking out the window to the field where Stormy (the colt) and Twinkle Toes (his mother) were grazing.  Suddenly Stormy playfully came up behind his mother and bit her hard on the rump.  She kicked out at him with both hooves.  Pow! He backed off!  I don’t think he ever bit her again.

Well, it was an epiphany for me, having been raised on Spock, and reason, and guilt, and suddenly I thought, “Wow, her job is to socialize him, and she just did it!  No scolding, no explanation of goodness, no guilt trip, no judgement that he was a bad colt who didn’t appreciate his mother…. No, just a good kick and he learned his lesson.  I believe there are times when this is appropriate.  But here in India, as a white woman raising Indian children, I can’t do it.

Today’s newspaper talked about torture in the schools.  Keeping children from going to the bathroom is replacing caning as corporal punishment is made illegal.  We had that, one of our girls who needed to go to the bathroom and was refused permission and soiled herself — that was in the school that had NO water in the bathrooms, and further humiliated her by telling her in front of others to ask her mother for Rs. 10 for the clean-up.  No mercy in the schools.

Well, back to today and bringing this boy out of the hospital.  To all the people who reminded me he may be beaten, I just asked if they would take him.  You see, I don’t know anyplace I could guarantee his safety.  He is vulnerable and has impairments and whether in a government institution, or NGO home or even in a family, he may not fare well.  The Child Welfare Committee was of no help.  The politicians walked away.   I can’t keep him in a nursing home forever, and nor can I bring him here.

Safe places…. the heart of the matter, so hard to find, to build, to maintain.  So this is part of what has been on my mind a lot.

Kolkata: A Wall of Resistance

To make something happen in Kolkata, you have to look for cracks in the wall, work quickly, and get out before the crack closes.  I’m not talking about the usual corruption, bribes, money under the table.  Those are paths, not cracks, and each has its price and conditions.  The cracks are more about what is not expected, feats of perceived impossibility.  It’s how we got the kids.  We found a crack, and got them before this route was closed again.  But most of the time we are hitting the wall.  When I took eight children by ambulance to the Child Welfare Committee and said they needed care, we were told there are no facilities available, take them back.  We found places for three that day; the others went back.  It was a wall, with no shame.  Walls have no shame.

The following are pictures taken over the past ten years here in Kolkata, where time stands still and the walls get thicker.

Infected scabies infestation of child in a licensed home 2004

Infected scabies of the hand of a different child in a different licensed home 2012

Time stands still.  Conditions at the first home above were reported to the Department of Social Welfare, Department of Education, and the Human Rights Commission as girls there were being severely abused, and were not attending school.  Everything was documented.

In the case of the first picture, I was sponsoring this child at the “orphanage” as it was called.  I was asked to sponsor her as her mother was severely mentally ill and in and out of the hospital.  The grandmother had been taking care of her but found it hard.  What a delightful little girl she was.  I paid Rs. 1200 a month, roughly $25.  When I saw her hand I INSISTED a doctor be called.  The doctor came.  The little girl called him Uncle.  I learned she was actually the child of his servant and he wanted the child out-of-the-way.  The doctor owns a nursing home, a private school, and is a known expert in his field.  I said to him, “So you are a wealthy doctor and I, the foreign lady is supporting the child of your servant?”  He grinned and said yes.  No shame, that’s what I find over and over, no shame.

2006 I visited an adoption orphanage run by people who knew people I knew, and we “stopped by.”  I had already been told that the children were kept tied to their cribs, so I was curious as to whether we would be invited in.  We were invited in, and asked to sit for a while.  I figured they had gone to untie the kids.  But no…

Baby tied to crib, straining to look too.  Sometimes she rocked so hard I worried the crib would go over.

Three point restraint, plus around her waist. Her crib is too small for her to stretch out which I learned when I tried to examine her liver. She was Hepatitis B+ and considered non-adoptable.

And when these children are adopted, and they act strange, no one will know what they have been through, how they have lived, what they have missed.

This home’s license had expired and had not been renewed.  I showed these pictures and others to several government officials.  The home received its license and was scolded for letting me take pictures.  There is no shame.

I tried to buy these children, and I think came close to success.  We were negotiating…. For a long time I kept their pictures with me, kept two spaces for them.  I heard several different stories about their fate, so all I can tell is that I was not being told the truth, because not all the different stories could have been true.

Our children arrived at Shishur Sevay in February 2007 from a government home, with infected scabies, malaria, and bleeding gums.   There were no records of immunizations and none were given during their time in government care.  We immunized them at Shishur Sevay.  I had trouble getting them immunized for polio because most of the girls were over five years.  The doctor said, “Over five even if they get polio it will be mild.”  The government scheme only goes to five years.  I had it done privately.

It’s easy to be a critic, harder to find solutions.  When we started Shishur Sevay we needed a way to contain and protect our little ones — and so I had two “play pens” built.  That’s really the best way to describe them.  And I thought, “This is easy.  Why didn’t they do that instead of tying the children?”  It’s a mindset.  The children were inventory.  It didn’t matter if they were tied up.  In fact, several officials were impressed with the weight of the children.  “Necessary but not sufficient”

Why do I write this when “everyone knows?”  I write because I have hope; I always have hope.  And I write because I cannot be silent about what I see.  I also write to show my credentials for what I am doing here, not the past achievements of my life before India, but the sweat equity I have put into looking for solutions for the unwanted children.  I’ve been at this since 2000.  I’ve been up against that wall over and over, and sometimes I’ve found cracks, more often I’ve not, but each attempt has been a lesson.  I’ve learned to lose battles and come back a different way, a different strategy.  I like to think of myself as a good loser.

I started Shishur Sevay with a fantasy of showing what could be done and then shaming the government into doing something.  But I think the government is more like that wealthy doctor whose servant’s child I supported.  There is no shame.

I know there are others also trying so I write to reach out to them, to find them.  Maybe they will have ideas, and maybe they will be able to do things to make it better for the children. Maybe we will just all weep together at Kolkata’s wall of resistance, or better yet we will all go hunting for the cracks, and putting in wedges to keep them open, and celebrating each time we are successful.

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